I’m laying in a puffy bed under a ceiling fan. I’m thinking about the PCT and smiling. It took me a few days to process and re-integrate, but I’m feeling pretty good. No, I’m not pregnant. Although when I read that comment, I thought, “man, that would have been a way better excuse for quitting”. Not because I want a baby, but it would have been a much more interesting and cool reason. We stopped hiking the trail mostly because it just wasn’t worth it anymore. We both decided, but really I was the one that couldn’t hack it. Basically that’s the gist of it. Andy had his concerns before we started and voiced them compassionately and wisely, but I was really excited and thought that I could do it. The pregnancy link that my sister posted was because she has fibromyalgia. The article links premature birth and fibro. I don’t think I have it but, I do have some similar issues that probably stem from coming into the world three months early.

Like my sister’s fibro, medically, there’s no real handle on what’s going on, so the symptoms are mainly handled by anti anxiety medication, diet and exercise. The symptoms fluctuate with hormones throughout the month. For me, this means being really careful what I eat, going to the gym lots and taking Cymbalta. I don’t want to make this sound like a big dramatic deal because most of the time, in civilization I’m really in tune with what I need and my issues are somewhat in the background. On the trail, eating much of the food that is off limits in “real life”, walking 8 to 10 hours a day and for one week not having the medication that I needed…..it got a little dicey. There was alot of crying (me on the outside and Andy on the inside I’m sure) and much of the time my body just wouldn’t go. When I knew I had to get off the trail, I encouraged Andy to go on, but at that point we were both ready to come back.

For awhile I felt like I failed. But now that some time has gone by, I feel….I’m not sure there’s a perfect word for what I’m trying to say, but the closest thing would be peaceful. I feel like the hike changed me in some ways that I don’t even have words do describe. Really, it could still be exhaustion, but whatever it is, I hope it sticks. It’s not even just the deeper appreciation I have for things that I’ve never been without before….beds, pillows, flat ground, chair cushions, running water. It’s a feeling of deepness that when I try to describe somehow becomes more shallow. Like just the act of description, tarnishes or dulls the thing that I’m having such a hard time describing. Peace, joy, love, harmony….all words that seems too small.

Also, just to be clear, anyone that’s reading this and being inspired, know that these are after effects. On the trail I felt pain, misery and torture interspersed with a smattering of intense fun and joy. But, this was my experience, I know plenty of people that had a much easier time of it. I just don’t want to send any poor soul out there onto a journey with beautiful images and funny videos from our website without putting a disclaimer on it: This was really, really, really, really, really hard.

Now our loose plan is probably to go to Denver for awhile. If you don’t know it already, Andy is a professional gambler. The poker limits were raised from $5 to $100 a few days ago. For those of you that don’t gamble, myself included, basically this means a possible good opportunity to make money, live in a beautiful place for awhile and reconnect with old friends (Andy lived in Denver for 12 years). Normally, we would be betting baseball now and living in Vegas which is our second option if Denver isn’t working out. Andy went to Denver a few days ago, and I’ll probably join him in a week or so. Right now I’m still basking in the San Diego sunshine and procrastinating the unpacking and reorganizing of food boxes and other camping and backpacking things.

I have a few more videos to upload, and then this amazing saga will come to a close. But, if you’d like to keep up with what we’re doing, you can always find us at cindigo.com. Right now, thery’re both the same, but I’ll be separating them in the next few days. Also, Andy is putting up a gambling blog thewisegambler.com. Probably nothing is up there yet, but it will be soon. Especially if you send him emails telling him how great the site is going to be and ask when will it be up